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For the people pleaser, perfectionist, overachiever ready to trade hustling to prove herself for more peace, confidence and calm
Because let’s be honest, all that caring what other people think, anxious attachment and living a life that looks good on paper but leaves you feeling “meh” gets really exhausting.
Your simple plan to stop living to please.
Whether you’re on day 1 or 1000 of your recovering “good girl” era, the no brainer place to start is my mini-course, “Debunking the Need to Please”.
Every day for the next 6 days, I’ll drop a juicy email in your inbox with some of my biggest aha’s, some of the practices that have helped me and the important reminders, specifically for the overachiever type, to help you really understand what it’s going to take to tackle that people pleasing and stop caring so much what other people think. The best part, it’s totally free.
Looking for something specific?
Let’s just say I have a lot of thoughts about the mindset, habits and tools that help former people pleasers and perfectionists fast track to a more confident, secure, fulfilled version of themselves. You can check them all out below or let me help you find what you’re looking for…
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Recent Posts
Does life always feel hard?
There is enormous value in us continuing to face moments of difficulty, over and over again in our lives. Having to deal with rude messages from a man on a dating app or disappointment about ghosting aren't just important because they're necessary steps toward what we're looking or (“you have to kiss a lot of frogs until you find your prince”).
Why you should learn to love uncertainty
The uncertainty, which can come with disappointments like ghosting or a “meh” date, is a sign that we're putting ourselves in a situation with the potential for upside. But if we charge our dating life with too much unknown (betting big to win big, looking for our person), it's like we're day trading - not likely to succeed in the long run!
Wondering how to be sure about a decision?
Many times in conversations with clients, I will hear, “But how am I supposed to be sure that he's right for me?” This is usually in reference to a guy that they've gone on a few dates with and things are starting to look like they're moving in a good direction.
3 things you probably need to hear
If there's one thing I've learned since becoming a coach - what themes I start to notice in my clients or even in the comments I get on my most recent TikTok always seem to the things that everybody (and especially I) need to hear myself.
Fault vs. Responsibility
When something bad happens - you get ghosted, dumped, fired, rejected, ignored, forgotten - the feelings are painful. It's normal to reckon with, “how did this happen? why did this happen?” and then the follow up I hear most from clients or in the comments of videos on TikToks (whether explicitly or more subtly): “what did I do to cause this?” or in other words, “is this my fault?”
This is making life harder
I know you have something in your life that you're suppressing right now. Whether it's anger, guilt, fatigue, sadness. There's something in your life, a feeling that when you start to feel that wave hit you, you immediately go to work pushing it away.
What if it’s not about learning something new?
When did you learn that you can't be yourself? When did you learn that asking for consistent effort from someone your dating is “too much”? When did you learn that things don't work out for you? Or that the only way to get wealthy is by marrying rich? Or if it's easy to get, it's not worth having?
What fears tell you about yourself
Are you in an early dating scenario and want to get closer to him/her/them? Are you feeling stuck in your job and feel like there's something more out there for you but you can't get yourself to apply for new things? Are you swiping on the apps and disappointed with what you're seeing?
It’s not better if you know what he’s thinking
Dating is hard because it's vulnerable. Our emotions are involved and it's almost inevitable that we get hurt. But avoiding hurt isn't the goal of dating, finding connection is.
3 hints you’re about to majorly transform
What step might you need to take right now that feels risky and scary because you don't know if you'll succeed or get what you want?
What’s so important about confidence?
Why do we care so much about confidence to begin with? Why is this a concept that matters to so many people? If I had to guess, because we’ve seen over and over again that confident people seem to get better outcomes.
You don’t need magic to make more money, enjoy dating or feel better about yourself
If you want to be confident at work, magnetic in your dating life, secure in your interpersonal relationships, the game is not to look for proof from the princes on the dating apps (lol) because that would be like Cinderella walking into the ball still in rags and asking someone to tell her she looks like a princess. The game is to find all the whispers of the evil stepmothers and stepsisters of your past and show them the door.
A reminder when things feel hard
The biggest thing our brain perceives as danger (even if sometimes unfairly)? Change.
Are you waiting for this?
Are you saying to yourself: I'll be so happy once I'm in a relationship, I'll be so proud when I get to lead a project by myself, I'll be so confident when I can afford a better wardrobe, I'll be so calm when I can stop overthinking my texts. If so, you need to read this
What to do if you’re overthinking your text messages
When you're in the early stages of dating (we're talking dates 1-5), do you find yourself constantly analyzing the text conversation, thinking in great detail on the right thing to say, how frequently to text, etc.?
Do you need to prove you’re ready for love?
I've been thinking a lot about this concept of “earning a break.” I find some weeks I am completely comfortable completing some list of tasks and then giving myself time to rest. Other weeks, sometimes even when I've been objectively more productive, I feel guilty stopping to rest when there's objectively more to do (or so I tell myself).
Why you should be delusional
When we act delusional, when we start to experience the world as we want it to be rather than what it is, we offer ourselves a new experience before the proof is there.
Want to stop being so hard on yourself?
If you pause for a second and really get honest, is there an area of your life where you're being really hard on yourself? Given you ended up here, there's obviously a higher probability that dating is one but are you really hard on yourself about why you aren't already making six figures or why you said that awkward thing at your dinner last night?
The first step to being more confident
If there's one thing you have probably heard over and over again if you are even a tiny bit in the personal development/self-help space, it's some version of “you have to love yourself first” or “what you want will come to you when you feel worthy of it.”
Dating is not a test to pass
Dating is not a test to pass. Why does dating seem to be such a kryptonite for the confidence of high-achieving women?
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A game changer for finally releasing those stubborn limiting beliefs
You know what your patterns are, you know what the fears are but how do you actually go about shifting those subconscious beliefs that dictate how we act when we’re triggered or emotional?! Turns out, it’s not about understanding as much as it’s releasing emotions from when you picked them up in the first place. There’s so many tools out there that claim to do this, but honestly, this is the one I keep coming back to. It doesn’t hurt that it can fit in pretty much anybody’s budget. (Plus the code SAMANTHA gets you an extra 15% off!)
WHAT OTHER GIRLIES SAY
“Samantha was instrumental in helping me change my thoughts about myself and my self-worth. These are techniques that I'll be using for a long, long time!”
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